Updates...

- My friend Angela had been wanting to find a Chinese phrase that is the equivalent to "Who do you think you're talking to?" It is kind of a long story explaining why we wanted to learn this phrase. If you want the story, it is below, but if not, you can skip the next paragraph.

In the Lost in Translation DVD, they go behind the scenes while filming. Bill Murray has a phrase book entitled "Making Out in Japanese" that is for people who are college-age. The only Japanese Bill Murray learns is the phrase "Who do you think you're talking to? Eh? Eh?" Which he aggressively, but jokingly, says to all the Japanese workers on the set.

The other night, while talking to our Scottish friend, Daniel, he told us that a phrase he uses when people are staring at him is "What do you think you are looking at?" It is phonetically pronounced "Khan shuh-ma khan." I haven't used it in public yet (I am waiting for a group of teenagers to stare at me) I have been using it around Chinese people I know. I walked into my class the next day and everyone became quiet and looked at me like they always do. So I looked back at them, squinted my eyes and said, "Kan sheme kan? Eh? Eh?" and then the entire class erupted in laughter.

My students love when I speak Chinese. They think it's the funniest thing in the world. Not that my pronunciation is that bad (well...maybe), but they just think it's funny to hear foreigners speak their language.

- We've been hanging out with a lot of the other foreigners recently. One that just arrived is a Scot named Mike.
When I introduced myself I said, "Hi, my name is Josh."
He said, "My name is MAKE!"
I said, "Mike?!"
He said, "MAKE!"

Supposedly, he is teaching English, but by the way he talks, I have no idea how the students understand him. I can only imagine the twisted and confused expressions on their faces as he talks about how rugby splayers are all "wankas" or how politics is "complete shite." I think the English department at his school collectively put their heads in their hands when they met him face to face.

- There is a bar not far from my campus that we affectionately call the "Foreigner Bar" or the "McDonald's Bar" (being next door to McDonald's). Last night I brought out these two Norwegians, Hanna and Bjorn (and yes, Colin, I talked about black metal with them), and told them it was the Foreigner Bar. Lo and behold, we walk into the bar, the only people there are all the Drake people and many of the foreign teachers as well. Bjorn exclaimed, "This IS the foreigner bar!" Bjorn and Hanna are very soft spoken and a little reserved but they had fun. Especially with all the obnoxious U.K. people yelling out lines from Braveheart (making fun of Mike) or having a dancing competition in the middle of the bar. At the end of the night, they asked, "Are we going out again tomorrow night?" haha.

- I have one really obnoxious student who calls himself Larry. He was looking at this practice test for English students. I'm not sure, but I think it was the final test for English major seniors. He wanted me to fill out portions of it and I refused saying, "I'm not going to do your homework for you". But then he insisted that there was an answer key in the back and he just wanted to see how well I could do on one section of it. He claimed one of his professors said that even native English speakers do poorly on this section. He made a bet with me: if I got 18 out of the 25 questions right he was going to buy me lunch. How could I refuse? I must say that some of the parts had to be grammatically incorrect, but I ended up just missing one. He put his head on his table in defeat and said, "I owe you lunch!"

-This next week is another Chinese holiday so we get the entire week off. We are going to Inner Mongolia (which is considered a province of China). Maybe we will ride horses on the great plains of Mongolia? All I know is that it's going to be really cold and Mongolians drink a lot.


The end of this post will be dedicated to all the crazy things that my students and other Chinese say to me. So check back regularly:

"Mr. Gaston, call of nature." - my student T.T., it took me a minute but I started laughing before he left to go to the bathroom

Des Moines Friendship Garden

I can't believe I've forgotten to write about this until now.

Last Monday, everyone had the day off from school because the day before was the Mid-Autumn Festival Day, the national holiday I wrote about in a previous post. Anyway, a bunch of us went to this huge amusement park type place that also had a very large area dedicated to vegetation (not exactly gardens, but you know...just plants and trees.) We see a sign for the Des Moines Friendship Garden because Shijiazhuang is Des Moines' sister city.


The pictures tell the rest of the story.

We were all slightly embarassed, but very amused.

Me Looking at You Looking at Me

Now that I've finally gotten used to getting stared at all the time, I've started to have fun with it. Many Chinese will wait until you pass them on the street to look back and stare. I've caught on to this, so I started looking back to see if they are looking back at me. About 70% of the time, they will be looking back and they immediately divert their attention when they see me looking back. It's actually a really fun game to play. Otherwise, I just stare back at people who stare at me when we are walking and they are sitting down or standing somewhere and eventually they get embarassed and look somewhere else.

One time I noticed this woman on a bus staring at me as the bus was driving by. So I stared back at her, made a funny face, and put my finger right up my nose. Surprisingly, her expression did change one bit.

My friend Sable has a harder time than all of us because she is African American. It almost seems that most Chinese people have never seen an African American before in real life so they stare at her more than anyone else. The other day, we were sitting waiting for a bus, and this older gentleman wouldn't stop staring up and down at Sable. Then I stared at the guy until he looked away (I'm a total badass, I know). Then Sable said, "When that guy was staring me up and down, I know he was just thinking, 'What the fuck?'" That made me laugh.

My favorite time is when I was walking down the street at night and there was these two drunk Chinese men sitting on the curb. As we kept walking we got about half a block away from the two men and I heard one of them yell:

"HELLOOOOOOOO!!! WELCOME TO CHINAAAAAAAA!!!"

Unfortunately, I can't replicate the audio with the accent and everything, but I don't think I've laughed that hard since I've been in China.

Also, we all get a lot of Chinese who either want to take a picture with us, or will secretly take a picture of us while we are not looking. We're kind of like celebrities but I'm going to try and not let it go to my head, haha. The other day, a photojournalist wanted to take pictures of a couple of the girls from Drake, Megan and Sara, and so they posed for him right outside of this mall. Pretty hilarious stuff.

I was just sitting eating my lunch the other day and I saw this couple just one table away taking a picture of me on their cell phone...so I of course, just stared back until they got uncomfortable.

Mid-Autumn Day Festival

First of all, karaoke in China rules. We went to a karaoke (KTV) place downtown on Thursday night. There was about 15 of us and they put us in a room. We did it for about 2 hours. Here is a list of some of the songs we sang: "Killer Queen", "Dancing Queen", "Bohemian Rhapsody", "I Wanna Dance With Somebody", "Hungry Like The Wolf", "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon", "Lyin' Eyes"...anyway, it was awesome.

This last Sunday was one of the biggest holidays in China's calendar, The Mid-Autumn Day Festival. From what I gather, it is a time to celebrate family, harvest, and each other. One big there is this desert type of cookie that is really hard to describe called a mooncake that is associated with the holiday. It's mighty tasty.

Anyway, Kara, Alissa, and Willie's school had asked them to go to this dinner party to represent their school in celebration of Mid-Autumn day. Their school had also requested that they bring another guy and girl to perform something "American." I don't want to ruin the story by saying what we did, but, needless to say we did not practice that much.

None of us really knew what the itinerary for our trip was. We learned the day of the dinner party that 1. This dinner party is open to the public, 2. It is next to a Buddhist temple (which was definitely a pleasant surprise), 3. It is 45 minutes outside of the city and we will get there by shuttle. Once we get there they lead us up this hill to a Buddhist temple and shrine which we explore for about 30 minutes. One of the monks explains the meaning behind Mid-Autumn Day (it was in Chinese, so I'm not really sure if this is what she actually explained.) While we are exploring tons of Chinese are taking pictures of us. Some secretly and others asking if they can. A couple news reporters talked to us about Mid-Autumn Day and why we decided to come to China to become teachers.

After the Buddhist temple, we make our way back down the hill to the dinner party, which is right on the lake. There was a full moon and eventually all the lamps around the area are lit up. With all the traditional Chinese music in the background, it was definitely a sight to behold.

Eventually the entertainment begins. There are three separate acts from Beijing Opera that includes music played by many traditional Chinese instruments. There was one guy who sang whose veins and eyes seemed to be bulging out from his head and he looked straight ahead the entire time. Whatever he was singing about it must have been very serious. We are the 6th or so act of the night. Then there was a 10 year old girl who played a stringed instruments that is laid horizonatally on its side and is played by being picked. Not sure what it's called...

So after all these amazing singers and musicians perform. They call the Meiguoren (Americans) on stage to perform. We all stand facing the crowd of Chinese that have gathered around to see the Americans make fools of themselves. We line up on stage and music comes on. "Achey Breaky Heart" plays as we begin line dancing. That's right. After all these great musicians presented their art to us, we line danced (and not even that well). Anyway, during the performance, little girls came up to give us apples and flowers. We got a good crowd response, but I for one, felt a little foolish.

A news reporter asked me, "Why did you choose this song and dance?"
I gave the best answer I could.
"It's music and dancing that was created in America. Plus it's an easy dance most people can do."
"Is it popular in certain regions."
"Yea, the Southern United States."
haha

- Josh

Risky Biznass

Last night we went out for dinner. We ended up being sitted in a "private" room (when there is more than 5 or 6 of us, they usually put us in a private room) but there were two other tables in this room, one table was empty, and the other was occupied by some Chinese businessmen. These guys were getting hammered. As I watched them out of the corner of my eye, they would pour a new shot of baijiu (rice liquor) every few minutes. Eventually, two of them came over to our table with wine and poured us all a glass of wine. After that two more of them came over with this really weird liquor. It had no burn when you tasted it but it was definitely strong. (Jake would later say that this liquor is supposed to help men perform better in bed...which, according to Jake, is a "bunch of bullshit"...it actually said on the bottle "for fragile men"). Anyway, we all ended up taking a few shots with them but I ended up taking a lot of shots with them and they invited Jake and I back to their table to drink beer (for some reason, they took a liking to me...I think it was I kept doing shots with them after other people didn't want to). As I took the shots and drank beer with them, Jake was doing all the translating. To be an asshole, Jake wasn't translating...correctly. This is how the conversation went:

"(Chinese I can't understand)"
"He says you're fabulous! He wants to take you home and have his way with you!" - Jake, in a flamingly gay voice
(me with a bewildered and incredulous expression)
"Xie xie" (Thank you)- Me
"(Jake laughing)"
"(Chinese I can't understand)"
"He says you're very handsome!" - Jake

So the conversation went on like that. That guy ended up calling me little brother (didi) and so I called him older brother (gege) to make him happy. This is a thing the Chinese do. They get drunk and start calling each other "brother." A perfectly normal occurence.

Not only did these guys end up paying for our meal, but they also invited us to dinner next week. A lobster dinner that runs about 500 yuan (the equivalent of about ($85) which is very expensive here. Jake is very unsure that this will happen because they were exceedingly intoxicated. One of them wanted us to hang out with his 16 year old son...crazy stuff.

First Week of Classes

The night before and the morning of my first class I got pretty anxious. Dressed in my Sunday best, I made the five minute walk to the building I would be teaching at and walked into the hustle and bustle of my classroom. As soon as I walked in, the room came to a hush besides some whispers and giggles. I look at the faces of my first class and there are about has 25 grinning, giggling, faces while there are also about 5 that appear indifferent. That's 25 girls and 5 boys if you were wondering. As I've mentioned before, the girls at my school look incredibly young, and the girls in my class are no different.

The first class goes surprisingly well. I introduced myself, laid out some expectations for the class on both an individual and group basis, had the students introduce themselves. I asked each student to tell me their Chinese name and their English names (most already have both.) One girl introduced her English name as Laura, but said, "You can call me Potato."

In talking with other Drake teachers, many of the Chinese have chosen English names that are...unique. Willie said that two of his students were named "Monkey" and both said their favorite food were bananas. Another one of Willie's was named "Darkness." In my experiences so far, there has been "Pudding," "Oscar," "Lemon,", "Echo" and "Hammy." I thought Hammy's name was particularly funny because she was a short, stout girl, who's smile revealed a bright row of braces. She said that a Drake teacher last year had chosen the name for her! But then I talked to the Drake teacher and she said she had given the girl two choices, and the girl chose Hammy. It's not uncommon to hear girls with boy names. I had a female "Justin" in one of my classes today. I guess whatever floats their boat...

I then asked the students to help me make a list of topics they would like to discuss this semester concerning American Culture (I am teaching Oral English with an emphasis on American Culture.) Two different girls both said that they would like to know how to improve on their ping pong skills. I'm not sure how that relates to either Oral English or American Culture, but I told them I would do what I can.

Strangely enough, there were two girls in one of my classes who claimed to be merely auditing the class because they "had heard I was teaching it." One went on to say that I "had a very beautiful way of speaking." Things are getting a little strange...

Also, in my last class of the week today, I walked in and there was a collective "ooohh" and "aaahhh" from all the girls.

In each of my classes so far. I've been asked for my contact information by at least one girl, and following the advice of others, I have told my students only to contact me during my office hours in the same building...

Now I walk around campus and girls from my classes will say "Hello" and "Hi Josh" to me. Now I guess I know what it's like to be the teacher that all the girls have a crush on.

- Josh

Chinese College Students

So I'm sure I'll have more to post on this once I start teaching but, as you may be able to guess, Chinese college students are very much unlike American college students. As Jake was explaining to me, very few Chinese college students go out to drink ever because they are so focused on their studies. According to him, they don't like to have fun.

Jake asked me the other day (in the best Chinese accent you can think of), "Do you like to drink every day?"
I replied, "Well I did almost every night during the summer, but..."
And he interrupted, "Because I do."

Also, Chinese students look very very young from what I've seen. Some of the students (girls especially) look like they are no older 14 or 15.

Apparently, Chinese students can become very "attached" to their foreign teachers. Other Drake kids who have already started teaching have recounted how their students have begun following them around after class. We are never supposed to give out numbers or e-mail addressess to any of our students (but we do have office hours).

Anyway, this is all leading up to an experience I had the other day. I was reading outside and these two girls approached me.
"Excuse me, are you from the U.K.?"
A little take back from such an odd question, I said, "No I'm from the United States."
"Oh...because I have a friend from the U.K., I thought you were from the U.K."
uh... "Is your friend studying here?"
"No..."
ok... "How do you know him?" (I just assumed gender)
"Over the internet..."

Then we talked about what they were studying, what I am doing in China, etc.
Most awkward conversation ever. I felt as though I was talking to 11 year olds.

Finally they asked for my e-mail address. I felt bad, but I gave them a fake one...

- Josh

Clubbin' China Style

I'm sure my parents will love to read this.

Last night a bunch of us went out to eat together. In China, you can purchase beer in a store and bring it to a restaurant to drink and it's not a problem at all (and it's a lot cheaper). (Sidenote: You can also drink anywhere in public, as we excessively demonstrated last night: in the park, outside on my campus, and during our taxi cab ride). So not knowing who was getting beer, 4 separate people all brought a 9 pack of beer, each beer being 500 ml. So there's way more than enough to go around. My friend Wille and I are slamming beers left and right. An Ethiopian guy we've befriended convinces me to do three baijiu bombs (biajiu is the Chinese liquor of choice...basically rubbing alcohol.) A little bit after the third baijiu bomb, my stomach tells me that all this crazy Chinese food, beer, and liquor that I've taken in at a rapid pace is not sitting well. I mainline to the bathroom (the women's bathroom actually), and remember that "oh yea, there are no toilets in public bathrooms, only holes in the ground." Shortly after this revelation I puked into the hole but not everything got in the hole. I promptly vacated the area and kept my mouth shut, but I was definitely hungry after that so I ate more. Colin, Willie, Nathan, and Franklin will appreciate this: before I left the restaurant, I saw a guy wearing an Obituary t-shirt. I tried complimenting his shirt but I think he thought I was making fun of him.

We decided (as mentioned before) to go to a park for a while and drink more of our beers.

Then we went out to a club called Club Seven. The bar is packed. While we are slowly making our way to our friends, I notice there is a stage with a stripper pole. You guys probably know me well enough to know what comes next...I immediately jump on the stage and start taking advantage of the pole. Climbing up it and twirling around it...you know, the whole bit. Finally I was tired and stopped only to hear the roar of applause and cheers from my Chinese audience...consisting of mostly men. I consider an encore, but decide drinking more sounds like a better option. We all got up and danced on other stages different points in the night. I danced like there was no tomorrow.

Clubs Seven has go go dancers that dance every half hour or so (that's why the stripper pole was there) and at one point in the night, the bar was cleared and flames shot up from all around the bar top. Behind the flames, a bartender was doing his best impression of Tom Cruise in Cocktail, throwing and spinning bottles this way and that way. Pretty epic.

Sidenote: We've met a number of other foreigners that have been friends with Drake people in the past. Two of them are teachers at one of the schools and the others are just friends of theirs. An Ethiopian named Caleb, two Chinese who go by Johnny and Jake, a Brit named Peter, an Australian named Francis, two Indians named Vivek and Danesh. and a few others. These guys like to party balls to the wall, so I think we'll be hanging out quite a bit in the future.

Anyway, the night before Jake claims he can outdrink me and out chug me to which I replied, "You are full of shit." So shortly after my stripper show, I'm shoved back on the same stage by Jake. There are already people on stage, one with a microphone and I have no idea what's going on at this point. Someone hands me a beer with a straw and...oh, it's a club sponsored drinking contest! The beer was slightly warm and, not wanting to have a replay of my experience at the restaurant, I elect not to put my best effort into the contest.

The contest was won by one of our foreign friends (I can't remember his name). He slammed his beers and turned it upside down each time to prove it.

I thought this after he won:
Foreigners: 1, Chinese: 0

I'm not sure he actually won anything except respect.

At some point in the night, my friend Jason comes up to me and tells me how this fairly good looking Chinese woman came up to him and started hitting on him. He was really excited about it. However, his heart is broken when Jake scouts him out and tells Jason that it was a prostitute.

So finally, I am getting tired and I've already been drunk for a solid 5 hours (I know...weak) so I decide it's time to go home. I get into the taxi cab and tell the driver where I need to go except...he clearly has no idea where my place of residence is. He knows the general direction, though...so he has to stop to ask directions and for some reason, let's me off a block or two away...The gate to my school is closed and the security guard is sleeping, so what do I do? I jump over the fence. Then, when I get to my building the gate is locked because it's after curfew so I have to ring the bell to get someone to come out. A guy comes out and swear to God he tried every key on his key chain before he got the right one (went through at least 10 keys). Anyway, I was finally home.


- Josh